Well well, here we are twelve days until Christmas and the world is in chaos. Everyone’s getting ready to have some fun, party, eat, eat some more and see some family. Althoughnot all of us are having as much fun as the rest, why? Because WE’RE SINGLE!
Yes, being single does have its advantage and being in a relationship does too.In fact, pretty sure most people who are single right now would rather not be.In a failed attempt at having a holiday date, we always look desperate in doingso. So I suggest that:
- You do NOT go looking for a holiday date right now.
- Just enjoy having quiet relaxing holidays, andaccept that it’s you, and only you for the holidays.
Now I know most of you will not listen to me, and go a head and try and find a holiday date. This is why I’m writing this blog post, to tell you that essentially these are the mistakes alongthe way.
- Texting them a second time when they have not responded, or even worse asking them if they got your text, or confronting them about it.
Now it’s bad enough to do it on a regular basis, but duringthe holidays when everyone’s busy with parties, family and dinners… you shouldn’t be insulted when they don’t answer your messages within a few minutes. It’s Christmas for Pete sakes, they are out living their life and you should be doing the same.
Texting is a brilliant form of communication, but it’s a short and sweet type of messaging. Do not focus on your cellphone, and/or wait to see when this person will message you back. Once again, LIVE YOUR LIFE!
Now if you follow me on any social media platform, you know that, I’m currently doing 14 Days of Facebook/IG lives. How to Survive the Holidays #singlesedition.
You might just want to check me out!
2. Giving them gifts before getting to know them.
Now sometimes this is cute, and sometimes this is a good gesture… but if we look at the general premise of buying someone a Christmas gift, it’s because you know/love/appreciate them.
Now we are not Christian Grey, even though it was a nicegesture in the movie, in real life this is a little creepy and way to affectionate for two people who are not in a committed relationship. What would you think if someone you didn’t want to be exclusive with gave you a Christmas gift?Pretty creepy/demanding/ attached and I think they need a serious chat. Even If you find the perfect gift, and it’s just a little something… the fact you wentout of your way to do so… is slightly obsessive. So now, please if you want tobuy a gift, buy yourself one. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.
3. Showing up at their house or work (stalker)
Now whyyyyy would you do that? #stalker
NO, I wouldn’t even do thatwith someone I’ve been exclusive with for 6 months, let alone with someone you are not exclusive with at all. It’s never okay to show up at someones house or work unannounced. It’s called boundaries, and maybe I should write a blog post about those too. So if you are thinking about it, SERIOUSLY think about what you are about to do. Ask the person if it’s okay first.
4. Being available ALL THE TIME
Now I understand that it can be lonely during the holidays, and sometimes you just wish you could be physical with someone. I get it. The holidays are about resetting your clock, doing things YOU love, sleeping in,eating homemade food, baking desserts and just loving you. If you are constantly waiting for this person to ask you out, or to text you… are you actually being present in your offline life?
You know life is happening NOW, in the real world… not on your cellphone or in a made-up relationship land. Being available for someone all the time sends them the wrong message: you are easy, you are submissive and you lack selfrespect. Is that really the way you want to portrait yourself?
5. Making future 2019 plans with them or about them
Now I know we do this, subconsciously: plan a whole futurewith people we aren’t even in a committed relationship with. We plan our wedding, our next trip or what our babies will look like.
The point is this, you are setting the expectations way to high, and you are going down the rabbit hole at a much higher speed than you areanticipating.
Relax, make future plans for YOU, and set some personal,business and relationship (just not with this specific person) goals. I’mpretty sure that if they said casual, it isn’t going to be much more than that.
6. Having the exclusive convo during the holidays,or asking them if they’re seeing other people
The holiday season is NEVER the right time to have the “exclusive” convo, it’s already weird as it is.
Do we get gifts?
Do we meet the in-laws?
Do we spend time together?
Do you come over or should I ?
I seriously don’t think anyone appreciates this conversation amidst family dinners, gift openings and other activities going on during theholidays. See for me, I grew up with divorced parents, which means that everythingcomes in a set of two. I don’t think the guy I’m seeing is ready for all that craziness so let’s put the breaks on or the “let’s talk after the holidays”stamp instead.
In regards to seeing other people, if you didn’t have theexclusive talk before the holidays, or had a conversation about boundaries and/or limits… it’s fair game for everyone. INCLUDING YOU. Go have fun, andenjoy yourself.
7. See what you want to see instead of what’s actually there.
The truth is, when we are desperately wanting to be in arelationship or actively seeking for one. We tend to create this illusion that the person we are casually sleeping with, is the one person for us. Even thoughthey have not shown a shred of respect, interest or common values… we still have this idea that our single days are over.
Now if they didn’t have the exclusive conversation before the holidays, and doesn’t really contact you during the holidays. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and realise, they’re just not that interested.
If a person wants to be with you, they will make the effort,trust me… you will know the difference. They will invite you to family gatherings, they will invite you for a movie night and they will keep inconsistent contact even when it is the busiest time of year.
Now if you feel like you want to reach out, and ask them tohang out. Go ahead BUT don’t be excessive. If they say no, then that’s it… youmight see them in the new year. You might also admit to yourself that you want something more serious and decide to set some boundaries for yourself. Eitherway, it’s your choice to make.
I have been way too many times down that rabbit hole where I assumed, we were an item. During the holidays I would brag about my so-called man to my massive family… only to find out, he was seeing other people. I knowwhat that’s like, and I don’t want you to make the same mistake.
Follow my: How to survive the Holidays on Instagram or Facebook. #singlesedition if you want to learn more!